The EPA now has a Most Wated list published on its website.  It is similar to the FBI’s list of some of the most violent, dangerous criminals on the planet.  However, the EPA list is a little different.  They include only crimes against the environment such as smuggling freon, importing collector sports cars that do not meet US admissions standards and illegally removing asbestos!  I am just hoping that I do not see my name show up on that list since bothy my wife and I drive trucks and SUV’s, keep our hose cool in the summer and warm in winter and enjoy watching movies and television on our big screen, high definition television hooked up to our surround sound entertainment system while burning our plastic shopping bags in the fire pit next to our volatile chemical dumping hole in the back yard.

Apparently a serious threat to our environment.

Seriously?  We have a simple freon smuggler on the most wanted list?  If that is one of the worst environmental violators you could find to make the list then I think we have the environmental issue well in hand.  My dogs do more environmental damage than that if we accidentally feed them beans.  Let me tell you, that not only destroys the ozone but any appetite you might have had as well.

You would think that the EPA would have better things to do that chasing a family of bafoons who smuggled some Alfa Romeos into the United States.  Send the FBI after them for smuggling, but the EPA?  How much environmental damage could a few dozen luxury sports cars not built to US environmental standards really cause?  Enough to make a Most Wanted list and have a task force formed to track you down?  Well, I guess so.

Finally, the one that really concerns me is the man they have charged with discharge of pollutants into the waters of the United States.  Yeah, you see, there was this time that I was swimming in the Brazos River and …  Well, I admit it, I just did not want to get out.  So there, even I am guilty of this one.   Actually, my two sons have taken this up as a sport in the creek that runs behind my parents house.  My four year old claims to be playing fireman, but he does not understand that he is really destroying the planet and risks the ire of the EPA.  He just has so much fun doing it that I have not been able to tell him what a horrible person he is and how he needs to stop hating his planet.

Oh, they also have a news release website associated with the site that looks like it is on a WordPress account.  Check them out and see what you think.  Me personally, I think they have bigger fish to fry than some of the jokers they allowed to make this list. It seems like their focus is on more enforcement and not prevention where it needs to be.

I just spent the past weekend on a nice little trip with my family. We drove up into Arkansas and spent some time in Hot Springs and Little Rock. I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent relaxing and having fun with my wife and kids, but am a little glad to be back. I was sure that I was about to have to find me a pair of Birkenstock’s and don some tie-dye shirts if I did not get out of their soon.

We intended to stay in Texarkana the first night since we had left home late, but for some reason there was a horrible odor permeating the entire city and both my oldest son and I decided that it was worth extending the drive to avoid staying there. It seemed as if every sewer main in the entire city had ruptured and left the pungent smell of human waste hanging in the air.

So, off we drove further north, finally arriving at Hope, AR, birthplace of President William Jefferson Clinton. Not that I would ever choose such a place as a vacation destination, but fate held that we had to stop and stay in Hope for the night. On the way in, my son noted the multiple signs proclaiming the fame of the city and honoring their presidential son. He commented that maybe the smell in Texarkana had not been that bad after all when compared with being surrounded by Clinotnistas.

We found a nice Best Western and I went in to check us in for the evening. The conversation that I overheard in the lobby certainly surprised me. There were two older men chatting about who the young man behind the counter looked like. When I heard one of them mention that he resembled Sean Hannity, I could not help but chuckle. The attendant asked me what was wrong with Sean Hannity and I thought, ‘Oh, no… Here we go.’ I steeled myself for a liberal rant against Hannity and other conservatives in general and answered his question. I told him that I assumed that being told you look like Sean Hannity around these parts would constitute fighting words. I was quickly informed by him and the other two men that not everyone in Hope bowed at the alter of the Clintons. I was further informed that I would be surprised by how many people were ashamed by the fact that the name of their good town would be forever attached to such an embarrassing legacy. I have to admit, I was very surprised by their reactions and my stay in Hope that evening was very restful.

The next day lead us to Hot Springs, AR, the hometown of William Jefferson Clinton. I was beginning to think that this trip had not been planned out as well as it could have. Everywhere you turned there was his smiling, smug face larger than life. Being a conservative who bleeds Reagan Red when cut, you can imagine the shock to my system being surrounded by three foot tall images of Clinton everywhere I turned. This was topped by the fact that there were way to many people walking around Hot Springs that must have pushed the pause button in the sixties. There were several events going on in the historic district and this must have just brought out the hippiesque types. After being there for a few hours, listening to street performers, some who should not ever perform again, not even while alone in the shower, and being overwhelmed with the Clintonian love, I began to desire a bandana, sandals and a tie-dye t-shirt.

Once we arrived at Arkansas’ capital, Little Rock, I assumed I would find more of the same, especially since we stayed at the Holiday Inn Presidential Suite in downtown Little Rock. When I walked into the lobby of the hotel, I was pleasantly surprised again. While there were images of President Clinton, my son quickly pointed out that they were on a wall in a corner behind a door. The Presidents who were prominently on display on the main walls of the lobby were Ronald Wilson Reagan, George Herbert Walker Bush and good ole ‘W’ himself. The hotel was also decorated with memorabilia from Air Force One and the Whitehouse itself, but the most amusing decorative piece was the sign that was displayed prominently upon entering into the underground parking garage. On the main support mast right by the entrance denoting the largest, most well lit and most easily accessed parking area available right next to the elevators was a sign that read “Republican Parking Only.” Oh, there was a Democrat only area as well, but it was much smaller, dimly lit and farther in the back, completely away from the elevators.

Once we settled into our room, we looked over the menu for the Camp David Restaurant in the hotel. The George Bush Burger sounded delicious if not quite as good as the Reagan Roast Beef, but none were as humorous as Clinton Club Sandwich. The description said it was almost the perfect sandwich to honor the 42nd President of the United States except that they had left out the all the bologna. I again slept very well in Little Rock.

Sorry had to steal from Jenn over at The Political Jungle. This is hillarious. Hat tips to Jenn, Darwin and Michelle Malkin.

Oh my God. I was listening to the Rush Limbaugh show today, when a liberal caller started to suggest that he agreed with Rush on the aspect of building more refineries. At first I thought that this was an intelligent caller who would make some compelling arguments about how new technology could refine more efficiently and cleanly than thirty year old refineries, but I was sadly mistaken.

Within seconds the call turned bizarre and then slid straight into laughable. This moonbat actually believes that the evil ‘Big Oil’ was behind the high gas prices so that they could strong arm the nation into allowing drilling off shore and all across the continental United States. He then said that it was widely known that Big Oil owned our government. They have fixed all our elections and are tightly in bed with the military. So much so that they pick when and where we go to war and do so just to increase gas prices. He said that historically every time we go to war gas goes us fifty cents a gallon and that proved that the military was controlled by the gas companies.

Then came the clincher. He said that it was obvious that they controlled the government since there were no investigations into the 1980 murder of John Lennon. You see, the oil companies had planned the Iraq war since the 1970s and knew that the only man who could stop them in their bloody quest for more oil was John Lennon. Therefore, they conspired with former President Richard Nixon and President Ronald Reagan to have Lennon assassinated in 1980 so that he could not prevent us from going to war with Iraq.

I am assuming that somehow, Lennon was going to quell the unrest in the Middle East, stop Saddam from invading Kuwait in 1993, prevent all the terrorist events leading up to the final catalyst that happened on September 11, 2001 and prevent the United States from engaging Afghanistan and resuming hostilities with Iraq.

It matters not, though. The evil Big Oil, who obviously controls our government, had him eliminated and President Reagan protected them from prosecution, all because they wanted to drill in ANWR and off the cost of the continental United States. It was no coincidence that he was killed on Jim Morrison’s birthday, obviously a message to those who oppose ‘Big Oil.’

You think I jest? I am afraid not. Rush sat there on the call and listened intently, even encouraging the callers delusions and fawning understanding and acceptance in obvious disbelief. I could not believe my ears.

I ran across something this evening that I thought was worth mentioning. A gentleman named Donald J. Hagen has posted a satirical political test that I found well worth the read. It is one of the funniest takes on Conservatism in comparrison to the other *isms that I have seen in quite a while. I encourage everyone to go read it. I will also be placing it in my featured article section for a while.

Here is the link: The Satirical Political Beliefs Assesment Test.

Good stuff, Donald.

The Democratic candidates would have you believe that the healthcare system in Americas is the most cruel and ineffective system in existence in the world today. They will tell you that the only way to save this nation and make sure that everyone can receive healthcare is to let the government run it. While this could not be further from the truth, I would be willing to entertain ideas along these lines so long as they guaranteed to cure the one critical healthcare issue that is severely affecting so many and posing a dangerous threat to our country, Bush Derangement Syndrome (BDS).

BDS is a serious psychological illness that affects many liberals nation wide. This debilitating neurological disorder causes the affected victim to seek to blame any and every problem that might exist in the world today on President George W. Bush. Some of the telling signs of this illness can be seen in the tragic decay of the intellectual capacity of its victims and the failure to distinguish between fantasy and reality or to recognize the truth. Typically these victims wrap themselves up in self constructed fantasies that make them feel good by adhering to their narrowly defined perception of reality. Victims will often make wild accusations against Bush covering all aspects of daily life, including, but not limited to: natural disasters, global warming, terrorism, bridges collapsing due to poor maintenance, the imaginary defeat of our military, immigration and many, many other subjects.

Some victims include 9/11 conspiracy theorists, a group collectively know as ‘truthers’, any member of Code Pink, organizational supporters of MoveOn.Org and most visitors to TheDailyKOS. This disease does not just strike the poor huddled masses. There are many prominent celebrities and people in positions of power who suffer from this illness. In recent days we have seen the disease strike the forerunner candidate for the Democratic Party. During the debates last week, Senator Hillary Clinton cited President Bush as being at fault no less than twenty times mentioning his name during the debates even more than that. She was unable to answer questions directed at her about specific concerns in her campaign and could only deflect the response back on to President Bush.

While this is the most predominant example, she is not the only politician or celebrity that suffers from the ravages of this reality altering illness. Names such as Michael Moore, Tom Cruise, Rosie O’Donnell, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are well know sufferers of this affliction as well as a list of Hollywood and Washington liberals to numerous for this post.

The government has to act. Our government owes it to the people of this nation to find a cure for this dangerous illness immediately. We must act before it is too late. President Bush leaves office next year. Doctors and scientist fear what may happen to those that suffer from BDS when Bush is no longer around to lay the blame on. Once these people are forced to take responsibility for their own actions, come to grip with reality and cannot lay all their problems on one single man, they may suffer severe and permanent physiological damage. If any of the Democratic candidates offer a cure for this horrible condition, I am willing to listen to their proposals.

It appears that Barack Obama has caught a variant of the disease plaguing British cattle. This more virulent form of the foot and mouth disease, commonly referred to as “foot in mouth” has been causing the candidate some problems over the past few weeks and has caught up to him again.

The symptoms of the disease were first noticed when Obama inserted his foot into his mouth by stating he would be willing to meet with some of the staunches enemies this country has. His willingness to sit down to tea with the likes of Ahmadinejad, Castro and Chaves had his fellow Democrat candidates chomping at the bit for their chance to lambaste him in the media. Clinton immediately bemoaned his inexperience and the folly of such a statement, claiming that she would not allow herself to be used as a tool for propaganda, at least not for the first year she was in office. After that I guess all bets are off and she would invite Ahmadinejad over for rousting night of Canasta with Bill.

Next we saw the disease progress when Obama stated that under his presidency we would attack targets in Pakistan without the permission of that sovereign nation. Commenting that if we had actionable intelligence on al-Qaeda in Pakistan and President Pervez Musharraf was unwilling to act on such intelligence, then as President of the United States he would not hesitate to strike the locations. While I tend to agree with the general idea of that statement, it is not one to be made publicly about a nation who has allied with us in the War on Terror. Private assurances to Musharraf’s government that their failure to act against al-Qaeda would leave the United States little choice but to act on its own would be the smarter move. And the Democrats say that other nations hate us under Bush. Just wait until Obama starts striking our allies, then see how much we are liked. While I do not believe that he would follow through with this threat, due to his previous statements of being willing to sit down and have a nice chat with the enemies of this country that did nothing to stop the Pakistani government from condemning his statements as foolish and dangerous.

At this stage of the disease, there is apparent disorientation and confusion, as was evident when Obama made the statement that he thought “it would be a profound mistake for us to use nuclear weapons in any circumstance.” Well at least not in circumstances “involving civilians”. Or wait, “Let me scratch that.” Uhm, what was the question? “There’s been no discussion of nuclear weapons. That’s not on the table.” Well actually there was such a discussion, it was occurring right then and I would point out to the confused junior Senator that nuclear weapons are weapons of mass destruction and are called such for a very good reason. The chances that you could ever precisely deploy nuclear weapons and NOT involve civilians are astronomically remote if not non-existent. Of course, in his state of illness he decided to scratch that statement and apparently forgot what they were talking about. Senator Clinton of course immediately expressed her sympathies for her opponent’s condition by instantly going on the offensive and exposing his inexperience to her supporters. She espoused the importance of the nuclear deterrents and claimed that no President should ever discount its use in any situation.

It now seems that the disease has reached its final stages as Obama appears to be repeatedly inserting his feet into his mouth. The overwhelming urge to do this in the final stages of the disease is almost unbearable and is accompanied by selective memory loss. Obama has been chastising all of his nomination rivals for taking money from special interest groups, lobbyist and political action committees. Having been so affected by the “foot in mouth” disease as to be suffering from the selective memory loss that it can cause, Obama seems to have forgotten that he has earned over $125,000 from lobbyist and $4.4 million from political action committees of various sorts. Some of the special interest groups that the Obama campaign has courted include the evil big oil companies, the inept and stingy healthcare providers and even the real estate and financial firms that are apparently preying off of the American people. It is of course true that he has returned thousand of dollars to lobbyist during his campaign, but that amount pales to what he kept to help him raise his $58.9 million dollars in the first six months of 2007.

It is hard not to have sympathy for someone when you witness the devastating effects of this disease, especially on that person’s political campaign. “Foot in mouth” disease has touched the lives of nearly every American at some time in their lives. While not fatal the disease can have long lasting detrimental effects that are not readily apparent at the time. Just ask former presidential hopeful John Kerry, Congressmen Jack Murtha or even Jane Fonda. In some the disease can be cured, but in others it lingers on through out their lives, plaguing every breath they take.

May God have mercy on his soul.

Is global warming a real threat? Well, let’s ask Al Gore’s son.

Al Gore’s Son Arrested on Drug Charges

LAGUNA NIGUEL, California – Al Gore’s son was pulled over for speeding on a California freeway early Wednesday and arrested on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs, authorities said.

Al Gore III, 24, was driving a blue Toyota Prius about 100 mph (161 kph) south on the San Diego Freeway when he was pulled over by sheriff’s deputies who said they smelled marijuana, said Sheriff’s Department spokesman Jim Amormino.

The deputies searched the car and found less than an ounce (28 grams) of marijuana along with Xanax, Valium, Vicodin and Adderall, which is used for attention deficit disorder, Amormino said.

Gore was being held in the men’s central jail in Santa Ana on $20,000 bail.

Kalee Kreider, a spokeswoman for his parents, did not immediately return phone messages to The Associated Press on Wednesday.

Wow. Driving at 100 mph in a Prius, is that ecologically friendly? I mean seriously, even if it is a efficient hybrid, everyone knows that the faster you travel, the less efficient your engine operates and the more fuel and energy it wastes. Not a very green practice. On to is other ‘green’ practice… What about the smoking of marijuana and the releasing of those pollutants into the atmosphere? Maybe it was just because he was completely zoned out on the plethora of prescription drugs that were in his possession, none of which he apparently had a prescription for.

I want you to pay close attention to how the mainstream media covers this (if they mention it at all).

I apologize for the lack of writing lately. Things have been crazy around here. I work for an environmental laboratory as their Director of Information Technology. We are operating on an archaic yet extremely effective piece of laboratory information management software (LIMS) which has begun to loose its mind over the past few weeks. On top of this we are preparing to move our laboratory into new facilities and we are currently evaluating new LIMS software for potential deployment in the very near future. Top this all off with sick children, soccer season starting up and my new project, a fish tank for the kids, and I have been quite busy recently.

However, I cannot continue to neglect this site or the others I visit and hope to have people continue to venture here for their daily doses of abject conservatism.

I have also discovered the dark secret of Sean Hannity. Yes, through intense research, keen observations and hours of guesswork, it has become clear to me that Sean Hannity is one of the greatest threats to humanity since DDT.

I am prepared to show how Sean Hannity is one if the greatest causes of global warming in the industrial world.

First let us examine some of Mr. Hannity’s favorite products that he likes to support and promote on his shows. One of the most common things you will hear Sean Hannity promote is the destruction of our environment by consumption of large quantities of beef. As scientist have recently asserted, bovine flatulence is the number one cause of rising greenhouse gasses on the planet. Yes, that is right, Sean Hannity encourages cow farts! Sean Hannity’s shameful promotion of Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse is a blatant attempt to undermine a concerted effort to reduce the amount of beef products that we American’s consume. His vivid descriptions of choice USDA beef seared at 1800 degrees to seal in that juicy corn fed flavor, is a direct attempt to discredit all the mountains of opinions pointing to the census among the far left that American beef is bad for the planet. This is only his first horrible step.

Lobster Grams! Sean Hannity is well known for his so called ‘charity.’ You can hear him selflessly giving away these horrid things called Lobster Grams almost daily on his radio segment following that other eco-terrorist Rush Limbaugh. This is just another attempt at burning unnecessary fossil fuels to send a Lobster to someone who otherwise would not have ordered that lobster or would have waited until they went to the store to get it. No, now there is a delivery person driving around burning fossil fuels unnecessarily to simply deliver seafood to someone’s doorstep. What about out carbon footprint Sean? Did that person really need that lobster? Is it worth the life of the planet to have fresh seafood? Really now is it?

In another recent display of blatant charity, The Sean Hannity Show gave away several cars during the You’re a Great American Car Giveaway. Were these fuel efficient hybrid cars running solely ethanol and bio-diesel? Of course they were not. These were high powered SUVs and sports cars. Sure Sean included a Saturn in the mix, but it was just to distract from his real goal of destroying the planet with the Hummer and the Corvette that he was giving away. These gas guzzling planet killing vehicles were given away to hapless callers who have been brainwashed into thinking that a free car was a good deal. Little did they realize that they were pawns in the murder of our planet.

Just look at what this man does for a living. He exploits the environment for his own benefit. Sean Hannity is on the radio for at least three hours a day and on television for an hour or more after that. Do you have any idea the amount of energy it takes to power all the radio, television and satellite systems he broadcasts on? Or stop and imagine the awesome amount of power required for the millions of people who watch him on the television or listen to him on the radio. The output of that much carbon into the atmosphere should shock anyone. I am sure it even make the wastefulness of his elitists buddies like Al Gore an their 28 room mansions look conservative.

He also promotes these Hannitization tours and these so called Freedom Concerts alledgely to honor those serving our country. Have you ever been to a concert? Do you know how much energy they take to host, promote and execute? What about these tours and all these events he goes to? I bet they take power and fuel to get to. Oh! It makes me sick.

Finally, to top all this off, Sean Hannity is a New York Times Bestselling author for two of his books. He has literally sold millions of copies of his books ‘Let Freedom Ring’ and ‘Deliver us from Evil.’ Can you imagine the resources it takes to successfully publish two NY Times Bestsellers? How many trees were slaughtered, Mr. Hannity, just so you could get your point across? How many?

All of this evidence makes it clear that Sean Hannity is one of the greatest threats to our environment and the continued existence of the planet. There is a strong consensus among the far left, that scientific evidence points to the theory that global warming is occurring and that it is unquestionably thought to be caused by man. I understand the confusion since there is also a strong consensus on the left that Al Franken has cunning wit and a winning personality. I recognize that a consensus does not make something fact, but can we really take that chance. What if I am right and we do nothing to stop Sean Hannity? Who will be responsible then?

I think we should all get onboard of the Stop Sean Hannity Express!

(Note to Liberal Readers: In case you could not identify it, this article was written entirely as satire. I apologize for any hopes I may have aroused or any confusion I caused. I understand political satire and humore are difficult concepts to grasp.)

I grabbed this from over at ScrappleFace. I know this is a couple of days old but this is so accurate and effective that I think it should have been the real address. This was set up as a ‘leaked’ copy of his original speech. I love ScrappleFace’s satirical humor.

My fellow Americans, as I stand to speak with you tonight, some 132,000 U.S. troops stand tall in Iraq. I want to tell you tonight what they stand for. I’m also going to call on thousands more of our heroes to stand with them, and I want to explain why this fight is too important to lose.

As you may have heard, I have directed the Secretary of Defense to boost our troop strength in Iraq immediately. This, of course, will spark new Congressional hearings. Since you don’t have time to watch all those hours of C-Span, I’ll give you the condensed version now.

Increasing our fighting force by 20,000 will not only allow us to better support the Iraqi Army’s new effort to crush sectarian militias, but it also means we can have several armed U.S. divisions on Iran’s border within hours. Once Israeli jets obliterate Iran’s nuclear facilities, we’ll be on the doorstep.

Whoa, did I say that out loud or just think it?

Folks, we’re not at war with the average Iraqi citizen. We’re fighting proxies — deployed, armed and funded by Iran and al Qaeda — who are taking advantage of the Iraqi government’s chaotic infancy to advance their vision of a global Muslim caliphate. This is not a neo-con nightmare fantasy, it’s the enemy’s stated goal.

You’ve probably heard from the news media that the Iraqi insurgency is stoked by high unemployment. Well, if folks can’t pay their bills or buy groceries, where do you think they get the money to make bombs and to buy guns? Do you know how much lamb and falafel you can buy for the cost of one AK-47? The lack of money is not the problem. The people supplying the money are the problem.

As a wise man once said, ‘Civil war isn’t breaking out in Iraq, it’s breaking in.’

Some tell me that the American public doesn’t understand the stakes…that you’re too stupid to comprehend the cost of failure in Iraq, or the benefit of victory. I don’t believe that.

But just in case there’s a journalist or a politician out there who doesn’t understand why we fight, and why we must win, let me make it plain.

In every country where radical Islam takes over, the first people to fall under the sword are journalists and politicians. There is no free press under Sharia law, and no room for politicians who would advance the rights of women and homosexuals or the freedom to choose an abortion. There is no debate on these issues, because people who would speak out against Sharia law never speak again. Incidentally, there’s no debate about the death penalty either, although the appeals process for the convicted can sometimes drag on for minutes on end.

If you think America should back away from this fight, think about this:
Picture a future where the number two (Iran) and number three (Iraq) oil reserves in the world are in the hands of our sworn enemies. How long do you think it would take them to expand their regime to Kuwait, Yemen, Dubai and Saudi Arabia? Which non-Muslim nations might be the first to capitulate to whatever demands these petroleum-rich whack-jobs might make? Who would stand in the way? The United Nations, perhaps?

And let me paraphrase the late John Lennon…
Imagine there’s no Israel.
It’s easy if you try.
Just give Iraq to Ahmadinejad.
Jerusalem, bye-bye.

A lot of well-meaning Americans seem to think that there are a lot of well-meaning radical Islamists, who want only justice for their cause, and then they would settle down and live in harmony with their infidel brothers…that’s you and me.

Do you think the Islamic warlord Moktada al-Sadr would like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony?

No, he’d like to teach the world chant in bland monotony, he’d like to put a bloody end to Christianity. He’s the real thing, and so is Ayman al-Zawahiri, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Sheik Hassan Nasrallah and dozens of other radical Islamic leaders who are willing to pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the destruction and demise of liberty and its primary champion, the United States of America.

Let’s face the facts. Iran declared war on the U.S. in 1979. Al Qaeda declared war on the U.S. in 1998. No truce or ceasefire has been signed. Iran and al Qaeda remain at war with us, whether we acknowledge it or not.

And if we continue to stumble on as if these well-funded, suicidal hate machines don’t exist, or can’t hit us, we’re going to wake up one morning to news that the tallest structure in New York is the subway.

If we wavered at news of 3,000 troops dead overseas, what will we do with news of 300,000 or 3 million dead in our own land. If we’re willing to capitulate now, how will we handle their demands then?

Keep in mind, the first to fall under Sharia law will be the media. The radical Islamists have already demonstrated an ability to dominate the headlines through random acts of terror. What will they be able to accomplish when they control the media directly?

It will be too late to act when you go to your mailbox and find the Sports Illustrated Annual Burqa Edition. It will be too late when basic cable consists of Al Jazeera and the Fatwa Channel. It will be too late when butterfly ballots and Diebold machines are virtually error free because there are only two choices — yes and no.

Perhaps you don’t think this is possible — that I’m just trying to scare you. That’s because you took the Self-Esteem elective in high school instead of American history.

The only reason that English isn’t your second language after German…the only reason the Congress isn’t called the Reichstag…
the only reason the president isn’t called the Führer (by sane people)…is that the blood of more than one million Americans and the toil and sacrifice of millions more scrubbed the stain of Nazism from the face of the earth.

The men and women who remember what it took to accomplish that are in the winter of their years now, and so the task falls to a new generation of reluctant heroes. In their day, they heard the same excuses for not taking bold, overwhelming, decisive action. But they eventually ignored those voices and listened to a higher calling.

They gave, they fought, they suffered, they died. And because they did, we receive, we relax, we enjoy and we live. Those are good things…but our comfort and plenty have also lead us to slumber.

Those of us with the luxury of remaining stateside in this conflict debate the war as if it were a purely philosophical question. Some folks are more concerned with appearances, tolerance and the civil rights of our enemies than with the future of freedom.

A lot of people say that our military policy has to take into account Iraqi cultural and religious sensitivities as well as tribal customs and loyalties.

Hog wash.

If you blow up people with sophisticated remote-triggered roadside bombs, or send a young man strapped with explosives into a crowded market, you have cashed in your culture, your religion and your noble-savage tribal mystique. You’re a bloodthirsty terrorist and I’m not going to waste a minute of the State Department’s time trying to negotiate with you. Your file has been transferred to the Pentagon. Your days are numbered.

If you have legitimate grievances, take them to the legitimately-constituted courts or legislature.

You want to be taken seriousl

y? Take off the rag mask, drop the AK-47, slip out of that fashionable explosive vest and start exercising some of that legendary Muslim wisdom or doing some of those charitable deeds for which your religion is so well-known.

So, here’s our new strategy in plain terms:
–Defeat the enemy.
–Extinguish the flame of radical Islam.
–Talk after victory.

Today, I’m warning the tyrant in Tehran that any weapons we find in Iraq stamped with his return address shall be returned upon his head a thousand fold.

I’m offering the people who live around Iran’s nuclear facilities 36 hours to get out of town, because we’re about to deliver a major setback to Ahmadinejad’s peaceful energy research.

Finally, I’m inviting the president of Iran to fly to Washington D.C. where he’ll be taken into custody, given a fair trial for his complicity in the 1979 Iran hostage crisis, and then whisked away to comfortable quarters at one of our fine maximum security prisons.

This is certainly a more desirable fate than the one that awaits him when the people of Iran rise up and take back their country from this hairball in a leisure suit and his black-robed overlords.

Thank you for listening. May God bless our troops, and grant them victory.